Lose some weight plan

My really well scheduled 'lose some weight Plan' failed once again.
Yep.
After a big day with so many emotions on it I've failed.
Can't or don't want to name the entire list of fat-products that now are part of me and my ass.
Anyway...tomorrow I'll be back with my fast-prepared soups and my light crackers.
So I took some rest and got some candies, who does not once in a while?
I'm sure that one of those top models don't. They don't have my ass either, though.
And summer is coming next. I realized when today at my lunch I took my sweater off and could note that my stomach was a little bit 'bigger'. Expanded will be a proper word. Just expanded.

YOU LOVE THAT BAND !!

You know what it bothers me? International bands.
When some band is about to play here or a near city, everybody gets crazy and become into fans sooo quickly. How do they do it?
It seems to be kinda fashion if all of a sudden you realize that YOU LOVE THAT BAND !! and that you've been always a fan.
Then they buy the ticket and tell every single person about they have the ticket.
On that moment they twit: 'I am enjoying the terrific magnific amazing XXXXXshow'
After show, their Facebook appears full of groups or likes related to the XXXXXX band, they publish Youtube videos with songs they can't even pronunce and then they start googling the different shows or records.
Some people are just idiot, no doubts.

Who cares?

Ok ok. You know what? I don't care a shit what you think or the opinion you may have about me.
Honestly, I don't need your support or your advice. I don't need anything from you. I've got over you already. I don't care that when i am walking on the street, several friends of you pass. I really don't care.
I don't care you did not reply any of my emails or text messages on the past years. I don't care you mum or you dad or your stupid sister that swears be better than other people.
I don't care you or your dirty house or any of your stupid friends.
I don't care your career or your stupid job teaching wright english to future snobies high class, you can't teach cause you don't know how to handle people. You didn't know how to handle me. It is YOU the loser, ok? I win.

Sunday morning

Sunday. Do I hate Sundays!
Sunday is the most depressing week day isn't it? Even not being part of the week it is depressing anyway.
Today i'll lunch with my grandpas. Nothing else to do except take a nap and update Facebook.
Totally Depressing, I know.

Money Saving

Somebody please explain to me why I just can't save money.

I know that if you have debts or as my case you have to replace money stolen to you is a hard way to get money's savings. But what about when I finish to pay all that?
Is gonna be like this?

If I do some calculations, estimate calculations I realize that just rest money for bus tickets (to go work, sure) or even less.

Oh my gosh, just got my salary 5 days ago and my bank account is almost minus zero. Except for some dollars that kept saved just in case. Just a few, can't even take a cab with that.

Thank god, rested enough for change my hair color. It was turning into red. I looked like Lindsay Lohan but not so skinny. Sadly.

Spring

As I wrote to Emily, today is why spring is some people's favorite season.
Not my case, not today.

I wish I could tell something fun or happy, but I don't have any.

Maybe I should start laughing about the unhappy situations??

23 cigarettes and so

1:39 AM 09/28/2010
2 Pieces of pie
23 cigarettes and so


8:34 AM 09/27/2010:

I sent 'Happy Birthday :)'
He sent 'Thank you :)'

Personal Thoughs
I sent him a text message at 8 AM. This is because I wanted he know how important he is to me.
It is important to note how happy was I because of the happy face.
That means that he is not angry anymore.
That means that he's happy today.
That means that maybe he is a little bit sensitive and is not as shitty as I thought
I AM NUTS

20:01 PM 09/27/2010

Me: 'I know that maybe this is not the wright moment but I hope that your concept about me has changed and now You remember me in a good way.
I've never wanted to hurt you. Hope you are really happy'

Though
I really want to. It's not a saying. Like, It's ok, we can talk, I don't bite.

NO answer received at 1:59 AM 09/28/2010

Could not sleep either.

I am idiot or what??
What the hell is wrong with me?

I wish I could punch my own face reaaaally hard without having to ask anyone.

Let's keep you up

This is what I most like about blogs. They are always recording the crap that you've been writing.
After reading my latest posts I'm able to say how stupid I am and how miss the inspiration that requires to fill all this, but the grey city is not enough inspiration. Got that feeling.

FRAN: I know perfectly you hate the 'Fran' but I am also your follower. You are not alone and I know as well that keep this updated is hard working time. I love you and miss you.
You've been my inspiration to post a new post :P
Thank you Fran and thank you Fran's mum?

Do you all remember when I wrote about I finally had my own home and that I would be living with friends? Ok, forget all that cause did not work (and when I mean it, I mean it).

How it does feel coming back to mum's? Ahm...I'm not gonna write about that.

So, yeah I got over my breakup, I got over 'the 1st German's departure, I got over the 2nd German's departure and I also got over my not-so-peaceful old house Issue.



I got a better salary:

Scale example:

1 YEAR AGO could pay 1 beer
NOW can pay 5349654631684646548645486 beers

Makes sense? It's not so so, but it's partially true.


I am planning since long time ago to go Germany. Now I think I'm gonna wait to reach my job commitment and ask to go Germany or France or Switzerland or wherever. I know that all that is possible and is not hard to get, still can't understand why people keeps working here.They are all wrong.

If I am okay? Honestly, got no time to think about it. I sleep, work, go to University trying to finish my studies once in a while and I work. Friends and family are worried about me and they still call me or send text messages that I do not answer. I think that I am avoiding social appointments and social life. I like that. I love my pijama. It never betrays me.

Hard days

Last week were hard days. Last week was a shit and don't wanna talk about it anymore.
Last week, i mean, this one is getting bad is getting shitty. Last week made me remind some past things that let me sad, but just a little bit.
And im just wondering why do i need to pass somethings through? am? Why i got the feeling like if something in my life were wrong and why and how im gonna get over that?
Why things are so difficult? Why some people have an easier life? What did i do wrong? Hows gonna be on the future? This bad luck is gonna come with me my entire existence? What shall i do with all this? What shall i do to change my luck and starting appreciating how lucky i am for having such a wonderful life? What do i have to do to forget all that happened?
Answers are totally welcome.

Society

A Cozy coushion sometimes is not enough.
That was exactly what i was thinking after almost ten hours working shift.
So, i decided to not believe in men. Men are shit. Men always say what you wanna listen (my mom spent my whole life telling me that). Mami knows...
But anyway. she never met the kind of men i like, so mami doesnt know a shit.
Coming back to the beginn ( so far away) i started thinking bout my childhood and how i became in ME.

I realized that perhaps the problem wasnt me. They all were the problem, not me.
Well, what was exactly the problem? They didnt know what i wanted.
So coming back to me again...thats it. The problem is the society that always tries to kill your innocence, dreams and all that crap.
Society. Being that word as general as possible, the concept is a lil hard to describe or define on theses cases.
Best excuse ever.

new place

Hey! Don't you think the volume is a lil too loud?? I'm thinking telling that but i wont. That would be rude, maybe.
Well...ammm...where to start, ha?
I moved out! Already got my OWN home :)
Well, i share it with a french couple and another friend and it's a huge old house. We don't even have a table or furniture or chairs and as we moved in just yesterday we couldnt clean well yet. It's gonna take some time to clean the entire house and a little bit more to put a couch or a table in there but the process, the new home, new life, new place and the freedom feeling is taking me higher than sky.
I'm getting older, im responsible for my dog, the bills, my job and career now and the house as well.
I like that?

Acting like jerk

"This city is just not you, you're other kind of girl, you shouldn't be here"
The bad boy from who cares?.
I met him a few days ago in my city, then he came here. I don't know what to say about him except that he's such arrogant. Anyway last night we were talking.

All the fucking time i was thinking ok, this is not ok. he was flirting with me and at the same time just being too much honest, REALLY! which was ok just for a while. Then started to bother me. Then was when i said "please stop acting like a jerk" and he continued acting that way.
When i realized that, until that moment, was ok but not anymore. On that moment was when i decided leave that place. On the right time.

As soon the days go by

And everything depends of many things that are gonna be clearer as soon the days go by.
By now, my life is turning around and i'm going where the wind takes me and i love it. I've never feel this freedom feeling so real as i'm feeling it now.
Sensations are positive on me, future is not a problem 'cause now i do plans at present. Just for me and anybody else.
I like this, i really like.

Freedom

So, a cold morning woke me up thinking in freedom, happiness and relationships.
Relations are complicated. Relations could make you happy, sad, upset. Relations can teach you everything about love. Well, love's meaning has changed a little to me in the last weeks. Anyway, i was thinking that when you love somebody as i do you can't explain it in any way.

country full of huge and blond with people

I GOT MY TICKET!!! i already got it! I'm so exited, i just can't wait. Live goes easy on me right now wich is not so common. When things are going well, something is wrong, don't you think? Well, shoul i be positive, right?
Two entire weeks remaining just to spend two fucking days off cause that's all i could have. I have any money, i spent it all drinking with strangers and buying useless stuff.

GOD! My life is sooo saaad.

But is getting better as well my english is going easier to me.

I bought a blue bag. A small one cause i already have a big one and is not comfortable at all. Specially when you're a small girl as i am.
I bought it cause i still wait for an invitation to go for a trip. Even when i just count until ten in that language and i know how to say motterfucker (i'm really proud of that) even not having any knowledge about foreinger language and gringos life i still want to go to that country full of huge and blond with people

Packing my stuffs

Ok, im so excited, i have so much to do, i have no time, holy shit! Two weeks??!!! that's not enough at all!! What i'm gonna do??? Do i really care this guy?? Souldn't i miss my ex boyfriend?? I really love my ex?? Well, yeahh. So why i'm so excited with the blond guy? It's cause he's gringo?? Cause he brush his hair? Is because he's really tall?? Hahahahah. OK, let's think a little. Let's think, let's thiiinnn-inkk Let's thinnk.

Ham

Well, after get really drunk lastnight was a little hard to wake up. Specially when you work at 8 am (i know, that's insane!). I went out with some british guys wich it was so weird cause i though that they were from Israel and i spent all night avoiding talking about political and religious subjects. ???Anyway, i just can't remember how but i stole a little piece of ham from the guest fridge.

people are wonderful

When i came here i was a little shocked, depressed. All was black cause life sucks and you hate everybody when you're black.
Tears never were enough and advices just didn't understand how i felt.
When i came people were so nice to me and now i know that people are wonderful, people can be the best or the worse feeling in you. People can determinate how was your day, what did you learn and how's gonna be. Our reactions depend on a few, i don't know why. It seems like we have to be a little dummy to know how treat people, how be a better person, how you should handle some situations that you never passed through.
As a friend mine says: Life is just energy.

sixteen thousands kilometers

Ok. Go out in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere just to buy somthing ( can't tell what was it) wasn't part of the romantic evening. No way at all. And as much you think about it, no no, no thoughts, please no.
Sixteen thousands kilometrs away of distance was not enough to change my mind about it was a good idea (oh, yeah, it was...) travelling during 3 hours and half just to see that blond guy for 12 hours and then back to the-my real life.
And people just say that was a good "relationship" just being with a guy that you don't know at all and however you feel that feeling when you know somebody but in fact you don't even know his name?¿?
Lill confused for a while until i realized that was a great idea, even if i'm a lil depressed right know, i know that was a great idea.

Million Times

As i though around a million times, this is time to change. Change points of view, change the way to live. But as i also though one time ago, is not so hard as when you realized how much you've lost and how much you're gonna have.